Text Messages 3.29-3.30.10
What sparked these series of text messages was because I had bought these facial masks at the Japanese store when I went shopping on Sunday (3.28.10). And prior to that, I told Topher that I didn't have extra disposable income besides for the basic necessities like food.
10:06 pm B: Don't be mad! I wont buy anything else now. I just want my skin to look good and glow for u. =) so u don't leave me. I promise...strictly basic necessities.
10:07 pm B: I love u very much!
10:21 pm T: U seem selfish. U say basic necessities but for some reason I believe u would buy it, get service if u want it. U tell me u don't have any extra cash when my topic was food. U hardly if not ever offered to pay for our food out knowing that I'm about to put all of my money into this house. Basically, you're just not being consistent. If it's for our food, or even just for me, I would think u wouldn't make an excuse and say u don't have anything. What are u working 6 days a week for? And it's not like I've ever ask u for anything. It would just be nice if u recognized what OUR situation is and not just yours, your brothers, your parents, and your business. At this point, I almost just wish u didn't own any busienss and had your own deal and your own income. I hope you understand my frustration.
10:41 pm B: What can I do to help? Perhaps we should have some sort of financial structure so things are more balanced financially. I'm sorry i am unable to come up with a lump sum of cash for the house. I put my money in the glake home and other things that just completely depleted my sav.
10:43 pm T: My heart doesn't believe that u are selfish. BUt sometimes u may not mean to, but u portray it. I understand that y have to watch out for yourself, and for your family and busienss. I just wished u portrayed watching out for me as much. And knowing now that money is an issue then other ways. All in all though, you're a great girl, and I love u very much.
10:47 pm B: THis will come up again and u'll be frustrated at me. OI don't want u looking down upon me bcuz I didn't help u w/the down pmt. What wld put u at ease for me to help or make things in ur mind balanced?
10:51 pm T:Down payment? Look. IT's not money that I"m looking for. Please know that. I myself am not having any trouble with money whatsoever. Just don't tell me things like "I don't have any expendable cashflow" or whatever it is that u said. I was talking about food. I would put my last dollar in to feed us.
I can't come up with everything. I really don't have much suggestions. Just that it's time for u to be creative.
I'm not asking for u to make drastic changes. JUst to start treating me like a MAN. YOur man. Cause that's how men like to feel.
11:10 pm B: HOw do i make u feel like a man? Just so i have an understanding of what u mean.
11:18 pm T: DUnno exactly. I'm not a woman. I can tell you how I have felt though. Like u don't look out for me as much as u do others.
11:18 pm B: If $ isnt an issue reg d.p. then understood. So the issue is w/me not paying or offering to pay for food when we go out right? ANd that i don't look out for ur best interest? If I asked someone else that q, they wld prob think that I am very much so. More so than anyone. SO i want to understand how i don't bcuz i feel that i do and do my best to cater to u. THis is news to me so pls give me specific examples as to what im not doing to look out for ur interest.
11:23 pm T: THe issue is so because I see u paying for other things. THings for yourself or for your family. It makes me feel less important.
My interests? I didn't say that. BUt if you believe that u are looking out for me as much if not more than others inculding your business then I should evaluate myself and what I'm thinking.
11:29 pm B: I'm sorry u feel that way.Perhaps u shd be w/me when i go to the grocer store more often so u can physically see that i'm buying stuff for u, us.
I don't do that for my family. HOw about what are things that u appreciate me doing?
11:55 pm T:I appreciate when u do look out for me. WHen u ask me before all others. WHen u take initiative.
1:01 am T: I appreciate it when u pack me food for work. It makes me very happy.
1:03 am T: I'd much rather u make it though. It would make it even more special.
1:08 am T: U know, u steer this relationship too. And I continue to see which way u want to steer it.
1:13 am T: Alright then.
1:16 am B: Ok. THank u. And i continue to do it bcuz i love u and i know u love it when u get to eat food besides wk.
And I appreciate it when u give me hugs and tons of kisses. It make me melt inside.
I'm most grateful for u taking me to the PI and mtg ur family and experiencing the things u love there!
1:24 am T: U know you're just not listening. An I can't help but recognize this sense of animosity towards one another. As if the last straw has been drawn. I think it's best I continue and keep my mouth shut.
1:26 am B: I fell asleep for a bit a while ago. What am I doing now?